If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize