the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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