I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
