I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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