I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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