Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
