I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
