She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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