he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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