you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
