Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
