He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
