ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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