haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
