I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
