Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
