ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize