I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
