Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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