is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
