i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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