So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
