everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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