I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
