my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
