that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize