Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
