you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
