BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
