I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dick very happy bro
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
