whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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