That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
