A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My nipple is on Facebook.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
