1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
