using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
