did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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