Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
