I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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