Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
