Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
