I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
