His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
