people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
