Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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