My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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