Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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