walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
