There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize