do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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