It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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