Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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