I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
