Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize