I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize