Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
