Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
God, I missed his penis.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
