dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize