Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
