Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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