I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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