rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
