We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
