I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
