CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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