Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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