before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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