is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
