Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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