I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
