I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
