can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Non-Jews are for practice
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
