I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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