I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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