Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
